The Disengaged Teen by Anderson and Winthrop

THE DISENGAGED TEEN is a newly released work by Jenny Anderson, an award-winning journalist who reports on the science of learning, and Rebecca Winthrop, the director of the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University. Their book is directed to both parents and educators and is subtitled “Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better.” We all know that especially since COVID students have had a more difficult time re-acclimating to a school setting and staying motivated and engaged. The authors also observed this situation in their own families and conducted extensive research – both qualitative and quantitative - prior to writing this text. Part I describes the four patterns of behavior they found: Passenger (tending to coast along); Achiever (focusing on grades and other external rewards, perfectionist); Resister (refusing to do participate); and Explorer (following interests and building necessary skills). Anderson and Winthrop caution against applying these labels to individual students, arguing instead that the behaviors are fluid. Part II of the book is an “engagement toolkit” with stories, exercises, and ideas so that adults can help to spark student learning and to make the distance between school and life be seen as less of a “chasm.” The authors point out that “resilient learners are not strong; they are flexible.” Anderson and Winthrop recently contributed a guest essay to The New York Times where they note: “Many recent graduates aren’t able to set targets, take initiative, figure things out and deal with setbacks — because in school and at home they were too rarely afforded any agency.” I also attended a recent one hour Family Action Network session where Charles Duhigg (Supercommunicators) posed some excellent questions while interviewing these authors about THE DISENGAGED TEEN. Due to the emotions involved, this may be a difficult book for parents to digest, but it is likely to be thought-provoking and worthwhile. 

Rental House by Weike Wang

RENTAL HOUSE by Weike Wang (Chemistry and Joan is Okay) is another introspective and reflective look at the experiences of a young woman, Keru who generally felt, “these were her duties. To assimilate, work nonstop, make money, and provide.” She and her husband, Nate who is an academic, offer separate times at their Cape Cod rental house to their parents and that proves an instructive contrast between their families and even their worldviews; for example: “Expats left wealthy nations to humble themselves at the altar of the world, immigrants escaped poorer nations to be the work force of the rich. For Nate, the word immigrant sat closer to migrant or refugee, and though an expat did move overseas for work opportunities, much like immigrants, the term also seemed to imply vacation and adventure…” The couple clearly struggles to meet the expectations of their own parents and to form connections with their in-laws in the first part of the book. In the second, they are more established in their own careers and patterns, but something is still lacking as evidenced by the uncomfortable relationship with neighbors at a second vacation home in the Catskills. “They were co-dependent, she and Nate. Without her, he lost grounding, but without him, she could be relentless and too focused.” Despite the affection they show for their dog, Mantou, neither is prepared to have children, another aspect that feeds feelings of inadequacy.  Like Wang’s other novels, book groups would have much to discuss, including gender roles, white privilege, misogyny, and xenophobia. RENTAL HOUSE received starred reviews from Library Journal and Publishers Weekly as well as praise from book reviewers at The New York Times (perceptively noting, “Even as you flee a family, you carry it along with you, in memories of how and who you learned to be in the past.”) and The Washington Post (“As in any good novel, the answers are few, but the questions multiply.”).

The Heartbeat Library by Laura Imai Messina

THE HEARTBEAT LIBRARY by Laura Imai Messina (The Phone Booth at the Edge of the World) is a quiet, reflective novel set in Japan. Much of the story centers around the title library “where the heartbeats of visitors from all around the world are collected” on the Teshima island.  Key characters include Shuichi, a 40-year-old illustrator, and a young elementary school student named Kenta, both of whom are mourning Shuichi’s mother. They gradually build a trust and affection for each other and widen their circle to include Sayaka, a love interest for Shuichi. In its starred review Booklist describes THE HEARTBEAT LIBRARY as “a beautiful meditation on grief and healing.”  The story moves slowly, but there is much to contemplate:

“Life is a succession of shipwrecks. … Because upon arrival on the beach, whatever the existence that preceded it was like, it is now memory. No matter how much pain we have accumulated, life begins again.”

“He smiled. He realized this was how you know you care about someone: when you see them where they aren't.”

“…love is never alone fear is always right beside it.”

As an aside, this book called to mind another favorite book with heartbeat in the title: The Art of Hearing Heartbeats; look for it and others by Jan-Philipp Sendker.

Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

MEDITATIONS FOR MORTALS by Oliver Burkeman (Four Thousand Weeks) is subtitled “Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts.” The publisher describes this title as “a guiding philosophy of life Oliver Burkeman calls imperfectionism.” What stood out for me was the question: “How do we shed the illusion that life will really begin as soon as we can get on top of everything?” Ironically, I truly need to carve out some time to spend reflecting on this text, but I did attend – and thoroughly enjoyed – the discussion between Burkeman and Daniel Pink recently which was hosted by Family Action Network. Their far-ranging conversation covered many of Burkeman’s suggestions like crafting a done list or try not to picture a “bucket” that needs to be emptied, but instead a river of choices. There was a great emphasis on not overanalyzing and “just doing it” or finishing a task to fully benefit from the resulting endorphins. Burkeman, a British author and journalist, wrote “This Column Will Change Your Life” for The Guardian until 2020. More recently, The Wall Street Journal published a short excerpt about freedom from MEDITATIONS FOR MORTALS which notes “Once you begin to approach life as a matter of trade-offs and consequences, it’s easier to say no to things you might not previously have dared to turn down.” And Burkeman writes further for Fast Company, extolling the virtues of “why ‘daily-ish’ habits can be better than everyday routines.” Much to ponder.

The Sticky Note Manifesto of Aisha Agarwal by Vohra

THE STICKY NOTE MANIFESTO OF AISHA AGARWAL by Ambika Vohra sets the perfect tone of what it feels like to be unsure of yourself in high school as you strive to complete AP classes, meet parental expectations, and somehow get the attention of a boy you like. Those goals are important to Aisha Agarwal, main character of this excellent, layered debut novel. Vohra says this was inspired by her own story and she evokes plenty of emotion while exploring fate (commenting on the butterfly effect and noting “God wills everything to happen for a reason”); class distinctions and privilege; race, immigration, assimilation, and compartmentalizing. There are insights on loneliness, romance, and family (“It's not easy untying the mental knots created by parents”), too. Aisha has a crush on her former neighbor and co-valedictorian, Brian. Helping her arrange a date with him and accomplish other items that appear as part of the sticky note manifesto are her best friend Marcy, and new friend, Quentin, a senior at another high school who is struggling with Math and the unexpected loss of his father. Aisha is – like many teens – pretty self-centered, but she grows throughout the story as she expands her experiences and shifts her attitude, finally asking, “What if all the stuff I wanted for so long isn't all that great?” At one point, Quentin remarks, “ultimately, people remember you for how you made them feel” and THE STICKY NOTE MANIFESTO OF AISHA AGARWAL is a feel good, coming of age story. Compared to Never Have I Ever, it would be fun to see on screen, too. Highly recommended.

Reunion by Elise Juska

REUNION by Elise Juska (The Blessings) focuses on three friends who are returning to Maine for their 25th college reunion which has been postponed for a year due to the COVID pandemic. Hope is the most level-headed, but she has struggled (“you can only do what you can do”) to meet the needs of her college age daughter, special needs son, and increasingly distant husband who faced the COVID challenges posed to a higher education administrator. Adam, a carefree spirit while in college, has become interested in environmental sciences and has two young boys, but his wife is sadly obsessed and afraid for the state of the physical world. Finally, there’s Polly who, as a single Mom, raised Jonah, a now 18-year-old troubled youth interested in nature and photography. Out of practice in social skills due to the recent lockdowns and having lost the closeness of their college years, Hope, Adam, and Polly find their relationship strained – especially when some long-ago secrets come to light. REUNION is an introspective reflection on what friendship means and the role of family. As Polly muses, “the past year had narrowed that knowledge to a fine point. Your child's happiness: the only thing that mattered and yet how little control over it any parent had.” Booklist says, “a delightful case for reconnecting with the people who knew you when you barely knew yourself.” 

Write Yourself In by Eric Tipler

WRITE YOURSELF IN by Eric Tipler is an excellent resource, self-described as “The Definitive Guide to Writing Successful College Admissions Essays.” It is written in a calm, accepting tone and contains a number of self-reflection and brainstorming exercises. All of that could contribute to reducing anxiety for certain students. Sample essays are included along with a discussion of when it is helpful to use ChatGPT (idea generation) and when not to use it. Also, there are sections written to parents and some directly to students. Tipler, a teacher, writing coach, and admissions consultant, focuses primarily on selective schools and comments in detail on essay prompts for many of them. I particularly liked his review of the top ten qualities that admissions committees value and the personal essay revision checklist. If you know a high school student who will be graduating in 2025 (or even 2026), this could (right now, for planning purposes) be a wonderful early graduation gift. WRITE YOURSELF IN will also be available as an audiobook which might be the preferred mode for certain students. Accompanying worksheets and exercises are available online. Highly recommended. 

The Bonfire Moment by Gonzalez and Yellin

THE BONFIRE MOMENT by Martin Gonzalez and Josh Yellin is subtitled “Bring Your Team Together to Solve the Hardest Issues Startups Face.” Experts in this area, Gonzalez is the creator of Google’s Effective Founders Project, a global research program, and Yellin co-founded Google's first Startup Accelerator. Together they argue that “ignoring people issues in favor of technical, financial, and strategic issues is a fatal trap. Those deceptively minor, hard-to-quantify team challenges or undermine your success if not confronted with resolve.” Gonzalez and Yellen have crafted a text with two main sections; the first describes why teams are harder than tech and the second looks at what to do about it. Their discussion is filled with numerous examples, particularly in the tech industry (Google, Shockley Semiconductor, General Magic, etc.). 

Based on their one day intense workshop that was the highest rated experience of Google Accelerator, THE BONFIRE MOMENT is a useful guide for managers and investors, and they intend to offer online support and materials. Those are “coming soon” although the book itself has several Appendices (describing the Effective Founders Project, a playbook in advance of the workshop, assessment tools, and a user guide) included. It will be interesting to watch these ideas develop further; there is much to ponder and learn from here. 

But What Will People Say? by Sahaj Kaur Kohli

In BUT WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY? Sahaj Kaur Kohli, founder of Brown Girl Therapy, shares her own journey as a child of immigrants, a college student, a victim of sexual assault, and a therapist. This is a very powerful text which explores “Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures.” In a dozen chapters, Kohli writes movingly about topics like “When Things Don't Go According to Plan” (or Reflecting on your achievement behavior); “Where Do My Parents End and I Begin?” (or Learning about boundaries and your values); and “Getting Out of My Own Way” (or Combating self-sabotaging behaviors and mindsets). She points out that “one in three freshman college students (worldwide!) struggles with mental health issues… my struggles were due to a combination of what I call the three E's -- the need for external permission, emotional immaturity, and an expectation of exceptionalism.” By combining her own experiences and therapy training, she offers prompts and insights to both students and parents (e.g., “I wish they would have asked: What can we do to help you? What do you need from us? I wish they would have approached this with: We don't understand, but we're willing to try.”).  An extremely useful guide, especially for older teens, their parents, and mentors. 

Sunrise Gratitude By Emily Silva

It’s a new year and the perfect opportunity to practice feeling grateful as this guide suggests. SUNRISE GRATITUDE by Emily Silva was originally published during the height of the COVID pandemic and offers a meditation to start each day of the year: “What a gift it is to be alive! To wake up, and take a breath, to hear the lovely sounds of morning … our senses are coming alive as we awaken each morning.” The reflection prompts are roughly a half dozen sentences in length and Silva, a former corporate trainer and coach, accompanies them with beautiful pictures from nature. This inspiring book and her companion volume, Moonlight Gratitude, seem like a wonderful resource to use oneself or to offer as a meaningful gift.