The Family Dynamic by Susan Dominus

                                         Happy Father's Day!

THE FAMILY DYNAMIC by Susan Dominus is subtitled “A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success” and was favorably reviewed in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal  written respectively by Ezekiel and Rahm Emmanuel, high-achieving brothers briefly mentioned in the book. Dominus, a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and lecturer at Yale, spent years researching a half dozen families whose stories she shares, interspersed with chapters titled Generators, Expectations, Luck and Fate, Finding Nurture, Openness, and Better, Better, Best. As I read about best-selling novelist Lauren Groff and her brother Adam (a successful entrepreneur in the health-care field) and sister Sarah (a world class triathlete and Ironman competitor), I was struck by their family “slogan:” You are so tough!, reminiscent in some ways of the Harbaughs’: Who’s got it better than us?  Dominus describes her own book by writing, “It is safe to say that if this is a book about high achieving families, it is often also about the real costs of having that kind of drive, the sacrifices that having that kind of focus sometimes entails or even the emotional anguish.” And Dominus does more than talk about the supportive role of parents, siblings, and mentors; she also introduces scientists and their research, often providing additional background on their own children. Referencing a “vast body of well-respected research,” Dominus indicates that “parenting effects on children's outcomes … are likely much less dramatic than we have all been led to believe.” THE FAMILY DYNAMIC is a thoughtful work that may require slow, careful reading, but that should spark important conversations on helping children best achieve their potential. The Washington Post reviewer Judith Warner says, “THE FAMILY DYNAMIC will no doubt disappoint readers looking for bullet-pointed parenting-for-success tips. It’s just not that kind of book. It’s better.” 

Hello, Cruel World! by Melinda Wenner Moyer

HELLO, CRUEL WORLD! by Melinda Wenner Moyer offers “Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times.” In ten chapters Wenner Moyer, a contributing editor at Scientific American and a regular contributor to The New York Times, looks at Coping, Connecting, and Cultivating, all presented in a conversational, non-judgmental and helpful way. Adam Grant writes, “[Moyer’s] book is packed with evidence-based, nonobvious practical advice for nurturing resilience, kindness, critical thinking, and well-being.” I certainly saw the critical thinking aspect in the entire chapter devoted to Information Literacy which is full of ideas (including discussion prompts), plus some organizations (Thinking is Power, Reboot Foundation, etc.) that I did not know as well as skills (e.g., lateral reading) school librarians have been talking about for years. Other chapters cover self-compassion, resilience, self-control, relaxing, empathy, friendships, curiosity/inclusion, plus financial and information literacy and managing social media. HELLO, CRUEL WORLD! is a text which parents – and educators – should consult and discuss. At the end of each chapter there is a summary of key points, and the author also includes 300+ citations in a separate section. As Wenner Moyer says, much of her writing is about “being intentional about our choices and the kinds of conversations we have with our kids. … I implore you to take the advice that feels like it will be a good fit and leave the rest.”  

Three Minutes for Mom and Growing Together

It is Mothering Sunday in the UK this weekend and our own Mother’s Day (May 11) is fast approaching so I thought I would comment on a couple of newly published books having to do with parenting. THREE MINUTES FOR MOM by Erin Morrison showcases “365 Days of Empowerment, Encouragement, and Growth for a More Connected Motherhood.” Morrison has a background in psychological counseling and is the creator of The Conscious Mom. In this new text she encourages readers to actively “make three minutes of your day centered in strengthening, loving, and supporting you.” The entry for each numbered day offers a short saying (e.g., It’s Ok to Not Know OR Prepared, Not Perfect), a brief explanation which is a paragraph or two in length, and a quick recap (e.g., “when you run into a parenting moment that feels less than perfect, pause and ask yourself which prepared mother quality will help you best in this situation: open mindedness, compassion, or humility?”). Morrison is correct in that it may only take three minutes a day to read and reflect on an entry, but that regular activity may also help parents to pause and redirect their own energy. Whether it is day five (“add a little magic – if you don’t show your child that life can be magical, who will?”), day six (“the ‘why’ behind whining”) or day one hundred and ninety-three (“love and care for yourself”), Morrison’s writing is very supportive.  She provides an opportunity for quiet reflection and practical results.

GROWING TOGETHER by Carson Meyer contains “Doula Wisdom & Holistic Practices for Pregnancy, Birth & Early Motherhood.”  Meyer is a Los Angeles based childbirth educator and photographer who has created this text in order to share material from her online and virtual classes.  She splits the text into four primary sections, one for each trimester of pregnancy and then one for the first 100 days after birth. Her tone is quite conversational and she offers homeopathic remedies and common sense advice to numerous questions (e.g., How long should each feed be? Do I need to switch breasts each feed? Help! My breasts hurt!). Meyer includes weekly activities such as writing “a love letter to yourself” at week three after birth to help with “treating yourself with the same compassion and patience you would [for] your baby.” While new parents might be too overwhelmed to reach for this text, having read earlier sections might cause them to continue to seek out Meyer’s calm advice (“have a code word with your partner so that you can politely send away any visitor who is overstaying their welcome” or her discussion of elimination communication with their baby). Throughout, she provides charts (e.g., innate knowing vs. modern knowing), introspective questions, and frank discussion (e.g., “those first trimester feels” or “tending to the family nervous system”). GROWING TOGETHER contains recipes, endnotes, and a list of additional resources.

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

THE ANXIOUS GENERATION by Jonathan Haidt, Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University’s Stern School of Business, explains “How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” I have referenced Haidt’s writings multiple times over the past few years, including his work with Jean Twenge and articles in diverse publications like The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic. In his newest book, he focuses on Gen Z (those born after 1995) and argues that the decline in play-based childhood and its being supplanted by device-based activities have had an extremely detrimental impact on this cohort. His own summary states: “my central claim in this book is that these two trends -- overprotection in the real world and under protection in the virtual world -- are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became ‘the anxious generation’.” THE ANXIOUS GENERATION has four main parts; one looks at facts about teen mental health since 2010; another explores the changes in parenting style as it became increasingly overprotective and fearful; next, Haidt describes the ways phone-based childhood disrupts development (sleep and social deprivation, lowering attention spans; and addiction).

The final section provides research-based ideas on steps to take, especially his four “foundational” reforms: more unsupervised play; no smartphones before high school; no social media before age 16; and phone free schools. That sounds unrealistic, doesn’t it? Haidt draws on his social psychology background to explain collective action problems like the case where a few students have phones and/or social media accounts and then put pressure on their peers, who in turn pressure their parents. He cites examples of voluntary coordination like the group Wait Until 8th and advocates for technological solutions (e.g., lockable pouches, better basic phones) and increased regulation. Several chapters deal with what government, tech companies, schools, parents, and young people can do. He condenses his recommendations to Speak Up and Link Up, ironically providing many resources via an online portal: AnxiousGeneration.com.  Deeply researched and fascinating – THE ANXIOUS GENERATION will be on our shelves soon.

The Breakthrough Years by Ellen Galinsky

THE BREAKTHROUGH YEARS is the latest parenting text from Ellen Galinsky, a well-respected researcher and prolific author who is currently President of Families and Work Institute. In this lengthy (560 pages) book, she presents “A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens.” As she begins to outline the structure of her book, she highlights pleas from teens to address questions like: Why don’t adults understand us? and Why do adults have such negative views of teenagers? This echoes the sentiments expressed in the recently published Underestimated, although that text takes a decidedly less scientific tone. Galinsky notes five main messages which teens want to share: (1) Understand our development; (2) Listen and talk with us, not at us; (3) Don’t stereotype us; (4) We are trying to understand ourselves and our needs; and (5) We want to learn life and learning skills. Galinsky describes relevant research, including copious quotes from adolescents (ages nine to nineteen, per her definition). For example, she discusses emotional regulation, how adolescents learn to manage emotions, even the benefit of strong emotions, and then continues with a look at “the vital connection between rewards, motivation, and learning.” Perhaps the most helpful, though, are Galinsky’s thoughtful suggestions like those she offers for rethinking adolescence and seven reasons (e.g., protective instinct, fear, etc.) for why we experience difficulty in reframing negative attitudes towards teens. 

For each of the five key messages listed above, she repeats a pattern of quotes from teens; reflection on the message (with comments from adults and parents); and then a detailed and segmented overview of relevant science and summary lists (e.g., four components of foundational executive function skills) and proposed actions. The text’s layout with multiple subheadings, italics and bold typeface aids the reader’s comprehension. Frankly, there is SO much here to digest and apply that Galinsky’s text could easily provide a valuable yearlong one book-one school read. Roughly twenty percent is devoted to notes and bibliographic citations; she also provides an amazing list of the dozens of researchers and thought leaders interviewed. THE BREAKTHROUGH YEARS received a starred review from Publishers Weekly (“Overflowing with insight backed by scientific rigor, this is an essential companion for parents of adolescents.”) and very positive comments from experts like Lisa Damour, Angela Duckworth, Kenneth Ginsburg, Adam Grant, and Daniel J. Siegel. PLEASE NOTE: Family Action Network is hosting a Zoom session with Ellen Galinsky on Tuesday, April 16th at 7:00 pm. Watch their website for details on how to register. 

Added: Recording of the program (about an hour) is now available. 

Stress Resets by Jennifer L. Taitz

STRESS RESETS by Jennifer L. Taitz, a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor at UCLA, has three main sections. The first – called Befriending Stress, Living Better – is rather text heavy, but intended to provide background and a better understanding of topics like regulating emotion, overthinking, and thriving without substances. Many readers will turn quickly to the more specific ideas for “How to Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes” that Taitz offers in the second (Stress Resets for Intense Times) and third (Stress Buffers For Building Resilience) sections. The timeframes are different (short-term exercises vs. longer-term habits of mind), but those strategies are each further divided between Mind, Body, and Behavior. Taitz provides a lengthy bibliography (almost fifteen percent of the book is detailed references and resources) so these are not necessarily “new” activities (e.g., breathing exercises, scan your body, laugh more!), but they are organized in a very helpful way. Each of the 75 ideas has a when, how and why section, allowing readers to think more clearly about appropriate timing, execution, and science behind each idea (e.g., why an ice-cold face bath leads to feeling calmer or making your bed contributes to a sense of accomplishment). In fact, Taitz writes that readers should think of STRESS RESETS “as a recipe book for your well-being -- in other words, accessible, easily digestible strategies with clear instructions that you can pick and choose from, depending on your taste and needs.” Have a look at some of her suggestions, ranging from expanding your gaze, or taking a walk outside, to carving out time to worry or committing to three minutes of mindfulness. They are thoughtful, practical tips.  

Sew Mindful Cross Stitch by Sophie Crabb

SEW MINDFUL CROSS STITCH by Sophie Crabb is a wonderful concept – I know plenty of people who choose to sew or knit as a form of relaxation. Crabb, a designer, crafter, and small business owner from Norfolk in the United Kingdom, tackles mental health concerns by writing about her own experiences and offering subtle suggestions (like avoiding the comparison loop). She has designed cross stitch examples with supportive pithy sayings (e.g., self-care isn’t selfish or today is a new day); to get a better idea of her style check out her UK website (the US Esty page has a security warning). The book itself illustrates “22 beginner friendly cross stitch projects to bring you color and calm.” These are intentionally small projects – just right for a beginner and the book’s photos are colorful and appealing. Plus, Sophie shares helpful insights for executing the projects (like what color to use first). The preview of SEW MINDFUL CROSS STITCH that I saw lists supplies (including specific quantities and colors for embroidery thread), but the patterns were indecipherable to me on the Kindle app. The pdf version on NetGalley was significantly improved and there are several projects which would be fun to try. They’d make great gifts, too!  

Erasing the Finish Line by Ana Homayoun

ERASING THE FINISH LINE by Ana Homayoun is subtitled “The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission.” The only dispute I have with that is: is this really “new”? Homayoun points out the importance of developing a system, connections, perspective, and acceptance. She rightly stresses the importance and impact of executive functioning skills like organization, planning, and prioritizing, plus self-motivation (starting and completing tasks, meeting deadlines), adaptable thinking, and feeling comfortable with asking for help. These are all key life skills which we practice in high school again and again, particularly on a big, individual project like Junior Theme. Each chapter begins with an anecdote introducing a former student, like Nira, excited to be admitted to Notre Dame, who says, “the hardest part of college was learning to manage time and keep track of what I was responsible for and holding myself accountable when ... there was no one there to wake me up in the morning.” Good advice from a peer of sorts, and at one point Homayoun also includes several strategies to “help children [emphasis added; why choose that term?] develop multiple circles of connection.” Overall, however, her work is very text heavy and could benefit from more bullet points, checklists, and even sample exercises to further support the students she seeks to help. It seems likely that Homayoun has resisted this more directed guidance because she specifically says, “rather than doggedly pursuing the never-ending list of “must dos” and “should dos,” it's time for us to accept that there is not one “perfect” way to find success.” Yes, hard to argue with that; we have had Homayoun’s earlier work (That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week) in our collection and will likely be adding ERASING THE FINISH LINE, also. Approximately ten percent of the book is devoted to references and notes which will interest researchers and those curious readers wishing to learn more. Also worth considering: 6 Super Skills for Executive Functioning by Lara Honos-Webb. 

Diet, Health, and New Cookbooks

I took a quick look at several food-related new books recently; they are from a number of publishers and cover a variety of more niche topics so I am posting them together in case one is of particular interest to you.

That said, who doesn’t love pasta? And AN A-Z OF PASTA by Rachel Roddy provides stories and commentary on 50 types of pasta, with, as the subtitle notes “Recipes for Shapes and Sauces, from Alfabeto to Ziti, and Everything in Between.” Roddy, an award-winning British food writer, says, “The idea is the 50 stories, arranged alphabetically according to the first letter of the shape, are like pieces of a jigsaw…” The relatively few pictures look scrumptious, like the one for baked macaroni with meatballs and eggplant (Maccheroni ‘ncasciati), although I did not see any nutrition information in the preview. In general, the recipes use numerous ingredients so this may work best for more experienced cooks, but some are marked very quick (e.g., butter and parmesan fettuccine) or quick (e.g., Carbonara). In addition to the delicious food, fans of pasta are sure to enjoy the details – like Penne being named for its slanted cut thanks to an 1865 patent on a diagonal cutting machine - revealed in the descriptions. AN A-Z OF PASTA received a starred review from Booklist. 

MIND OVER BATTER by Jack Hazan is subtitled “75 Recipes for Baking as Therapy.” Hazan writes quite a bit about his Syrian Jewish family members and obviously shares numerous favorite recipes, including his own experience making and selling challah. It all sounds delicious, and frankly, I think if I had more patience and somewhat different expectations that I would like this book more. I was honestly hoping for less stress through easier recipes. Pictures are quite colorful and have me thinking about giving Pesto Pull-Apart Bread or Choose-Your-Own-Scone a try. Since these are baked goods, they tend to be on the sweet side and nutritional information is not included. Hazan, a licensed psycho​therapist, also includes information on self-care, mindfulness, and healing exercises. MIND OVER BATTER is a unique cookbook, especially if you enjoy baking. 

EAT TO BEAT YOUR DIET by William W. Li describes how to “Burn Fat, Heal Your Metabolism, and Live Longer.” Li is a physician, scientist, and author of over one hundred scientific publications in leading journals. He outlines a program to improve your metabolism by carefully choosing what you eat and eating less and more slowly at certain times of the day. The text focuses more on the theory of what and when to eat, but Chapter 12 includes a sample meal guide and recipes like Berry Walnut Breakfast Cookies, Artichoke Egg Scramble, or Pasta Salad with Sun-dried Tomatoes and Olives. Unfortunately, the preview did not contain images (always a favorite part of cookbooks) or nutrition information. Addressing a topic of interest to everyone, EAT TO BEAT YOUR DIET appeared on The Wall Street Journal non-fiction best seller list and for those who are interested, this link leads to a short video interview with Dr. Li as shown on Good Morning America. 

THE EVERYTHING ONE POT MEDITERRANEAN COOKBOOK by Peter Minaki offers “200 Fresh and Simple Recipes That Come Together in One Pot.” That is a style of cooking that I appreciate and there are many, many great choices here: Risotto with Shrimp, Mushrooms, and Asparagus; Cod with Raisins; Skillet Lasagna; even making Sun-Dried Tomatoes yourself. Minaki blogs about “Greek food and more” and embraces Greek (e.g., Scallops Saganaki) and other cuisines in his latest book with recipes like Moroccan-Style Chicken with Green Olives and Lemon or Spanish-Style Chickpeas with Cod. THE EVERYTHING ONE POT MEDITERRANEAN COOKBOOK contains sparsely illustrated sections for skillet dishes, sheet pans, Dutch ovens, Slow Cookers, Instant Pot and casseroles. Yummy! Nutritional information is provided and readers will have a hard time deciding what to try first.

The Emotional Lives of Teenagers and Stress Less

THE EMOTIONAL LIVES OF TEENAGERS by Lisa Damour received a starred review from Library Journal. Geared primarily to parents, it seems particularly pertinent give the very recent CDC report (CDC press release and summary) which documents YRBS results that show “concerning increases in sadness and exposure to violence” especially for teen girls and LGBTQ+ youth. In this highly recommended text, Damour utilizes five chapters to take an in-depth look at myths concerning adolescent emotions, plus gender and the everyday impact of emotion, as well as exploring ideas to help teens express feelings and regain control. As always (Under Pressure, Untangled), Damour offers valuable insight based on research (there are significant notes and a lengthy list of recommended resources) and her own practice (30 years of clinical experience). For example, she observes that “somewhere along the way we became afraid of being unhappy” and suggests three underlying trends: “the proliferation of effective psychiatric medications, the rise of the wellness industry, and the climbing numbers of young people who suffer from mental health disorders.” Her text is clear and straightforward, written in a conversational tone with vivid imagery like “instead of fire, what if we thought of our teens’ feelings as a flowing river, one that suddenly surges in adolescence?” If you are interested in “Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents,” click here for details for a Family Action Network (FAN) event featuring Dr. Damour on March 2 at 7:00pm – in person (at Loyola Academy in Wilmette, IL), streaming live, and to be recorded for later viewing. For further reference: Full CDC report link  

STRESS LESS by Michael A. Tompkins (Zero to 60) is self-described as “A Teen's Guide to a Calm Chill Life.” Tompkins, a licensed psychologist and assistant clinical professor at the University of California at Berkeley, speaks directly to teens. He begins by describing stress “basics” and then moves on to confront stress in specific situations (e.g., work, school, test performance, with family, friends, dating, technology, etc.) and to document coping skills like mindfulness. Tompkins offers numerous exercises throughout the text as well as a Stress Skill Quick Locator and other helpful resources. Kirkus very aptly describes this well-intentioned text as “A dense but all-inclusive treatment of stress, with reader-friendly tips, tables, and checklists.” Be sure to also look at the Instant Help series (and other titles from New Harbinger Publications); over the years, we have reviewed several (here and here, for example) and some in that series are also recommended by Lisa Damour in her new book.

Stress and Anxiety in the New Year

THE STRESS PRESCRIPTION (Seven Days to More Joy and Ease) by Elissa Epel (co-author of The Telomere Effect) is part of a series; other titles, also written by experts in their respective fields, include The Love Prescription and The Sleep Prescription. Epel is the director of UCSF’s Aging, Metabolism, and Emotion Center and serves on scientific advisory committees for the National Institutes of Health and the Mind & Life Institute. In this primer, she encourages readers to “read a chapter a day or a chapter a week” and offers one new skill (e.g., Embracing Uncertainty and Openness) per chapter. Epel provides a great deal of reassurance and plenty of personal examples, but not as much practical advice as I had envisioned. To me, there was simply too much emphasis on her own stories (e.g., running out of pipettes due to supply chain issues) and less on helping readers to really adopt some lifestyle practices. A positive element is that her suggested activities “need no special equipment, and at most take five to ten minutes.”  That short timeframe may make her recommendations attractive and “do-able” for readers.  Almost twenty percent of the book is devoted to a listing of further reading and resources and extensive notes.

HOW TO CALM YOUR MIND by Chris Bailey is about “Finding Presence and Productivity in Anxious Times” and is also published by Penguin Life. Like in his earlier work, Hyperfocus, Bailey offers suggestions primarily for adult professionals. He notes, for example, “When you see everything you do through the lens of the accomplishment mindset, everything in your life looks like something you have to get done. In this way, an accomplishment mindset compromises how much joy you experience each day, as you alternate between periods of productivity, as well as guilt.” Bailey acknowledges investing in self-care through activities like meditation, exercise, getting a massage, and/or adopting a better diet, but he advocates doing more to reduce chronic stress, burnout, and anxiety. Bailey uses personal experiences to illustrate his points; plus, over ten percent of the book lists notes, including references for numerous scientific papers, which support his contentions. 

Concerns about stress and anxiety apply especially to young people; on a related note, see the article in today's Wall Street Journal from the Weekend Interview about "Jonathan Haidt on the ‘National Crisis’ of Gen Z." It is a sobering piece.