What Matters Most by Diane Button

WHAT MATTERS MOST by Diane Button probes “Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living.” I have a very kind friend interested in becoming a death doula and I think that is probably why I originally requested this text. However, a dear aunt was just diagnosed with cancer last week and is already in hospice, so this book feels even more poignant as I watch the grace and stoicism with which she is approaching death. Button has been acting as a death doula for a couple of decades and each chapter in WHAT MATTERS MOST shares a story of one of her patients. near the end, she provides a list of six questions designed to help take steps towards a meaningful life: (1) Who matters most? (2) What matters most? (3) What worries you most when lying awake in bed at night? (4) What brings you joy when you are awake in the daytime? (5) What is left unsaid? And (6) What is left undone? Readers will clearly be moved by the readings and by the reflection on a meaningful life which this compelling book prompts. Each chapter end a with a “lesson” like “Don’t forget to count your joys” or “There is power in an intentional pause or “We don’t Have to wait for a special moment to celebrate. Find the moment in the present.”  This is a beautiful book.

1000 Words by Attenberg and The Perfect Story by Eber

1000 WORDS by Jami Attenberg (Saint Mazie) is the result of an effort by Attenberg and fellow writer Anne Gisleson to motivate themselves. She says that one thousand words (about four type-written pages) is a workable daily goal for her, but that each reader should decide individually on a goal. The text continues by offering ideas on where to write, how to begin, and later reading your work out loud, emphasizing that while writing can be isolating, one is not alone in this creative work. She categorizes a creative life cycle as having phases: internal and developmental; preparatory; committed; and a reflective pause. In addition to the essays from Attenberg, there are inspiring contributions from writers like Min Jin Lee, Roxanne Gay, Laila Lalami, and Courtney Sullivan. This collection is subtitled “A Writer's Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round” and will likely have the most appeal for those who are actively trying to write longer works. Aspiring writers can also subscribe to Attenberg’s Craft Talk Newsletter. She notes, “You can create a sense of isolation in your mind. You can tap into that hunger and desire to make something new. It's all sitting right there. A pen, some paper, and your brain.” Described in numerous reviews as motivating, comforting, and/or encouraging, 1000 WORDS received a starred review from Booklist.

 

THE PERFECT STORY by Karen Eber is another excellent work which describes “How to Tell Stories that Inform, Influence, and Inspire.” Eber begins by stating the storytelling is “an art that is grounded in science” and she outlines several facets of stories: connection builders, change agents, memorable, reinforcing values, and interactive. All of her chapters (e.g., Storytelling with Data) have a summary and a storytelling interview to accompany them. This text is filled with vignettes which aptly illustrate the power of storytelling and checklists to help with creation and implementation. To learn more, see her TedTalk which has over two million views:

Owner of a Lonely Heart by Beth Nguyen

OWNER OF A LONELY HEART by award-winning author Beth Nguyen (Stealing Buddha’s Dinner) is a new memoir that contains parts I found painful to read as it seemed obvious that Nguyen (who as an infant left her biological mother behind in Vietnam) seems to struggle with abandonment issues for herself and her mother. Nguyen teaches creative writing at the University of Wisconsin, Madison and this memoir is extremely well-written. Reflecting about belonging, she writes that “refugees don't fit the romantic immigrant narrative that's so dominant in America. They are a more obvious, uncomfortable reminder of war and loss;” noting that “part of my own refugee condition is realizing that I have participated in this kind of rhetoric and erasure.” There is an entire chapter devoted to names and racism where she says that names “are markers of respect. What we call someone, what we are allowed to call someone, what we insist on calling someone - all of these indicate relationships having to do with levels of understanding, familiarity, or power.” A thought-provoking work to be read in small doses, OWNER OF A LONELY HEART received a starred review from Library Journal (“Nguyen's honesty and vulnerability will captivate readers instantly.”). 

Definitely worth a look are two other highly recommended memoirs about mother-daughter relationships: A Living Memory and A Season with Mom. Or, reflect further on family dynamics and immigration through reading fictional works like Infinite Country and Where We Came From.

The Wisdom of Morrie and Life Worth Living

I requested a preview copy of THE WISDOM OF MORRIE (edited by Rob Schwartz) after seeing an interview on PBS NewsHour:

Rob Schwartz is the son of the professor who was profiled in Mitch Albom’s bestseller Tuesdays with Morrie. In this latest text, Morrie’s thoughts on “Living and Aging Creatively and Joyfully” are complied, hoping to contribute to Morrie’s wish of “help[ing] people maintain an active and vibrant life.”  Writing in Morrie's voice Schwartz states “trying to become the best person we can be, aging well, and coming to terms with our issues might be the most important and meaningful goals to strive for in later life.” He further notes that “this book is for everyone, though it may especially speak to people over sixty-five and retired.” The reader is able to share Morrie’s thoughts and fears about aging and he provides numerous inspirational stories like the one about the man who graduated high school at age 81. Overall, the conversational tone is very welcoming and reassuring. I especially loved his comments on solitude: “solitude lets us be in a calm, peaceful, quiet environment, doing work we wish to do, thinking through issues we are concerned about, appreciating nature or art, engaging in a spiritual practice. It provides the opportunity to relax and be ourselves out of other people's control, scrutiny, and judgment. …. solitude permits us to connect deeply with ourselves and our universe.”

Looking for more ideas about re-evaluating your priorities and reflecting on a sense of meaning in life? See LIFE WORTH LIVING by Miroslav Volf, Matthew Croasmun and Ryan McAnnally-Linz. It’s “A Guide to What Matters Most” and is based on a class in Yale College’s Humanities Program. Basically, it is an exercise in thinking about how you would like to be remembered. These humanities professors look at theology and philosophy and quote numerous scholars and religious practices. They recommend reading the text in order, writing down your thoughts, and discussing with others. LIFE WORTH LIVING seems geared primarily to the twenty somethings who have the privilege of taking this class. However, it received a starred review from Booklist (“must-read for any age”) and praise (“a collection of wisdom”) from author Kelly Corrigan.

Excellent Advice for Living and The Well-Lived Life

EXCELLENT ADVICE FOR LIVING by Kevin Kelly is subtitled “Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier” and seems geared to be a possible graduation present (my personal favorite in that category is still The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and Jeff Zaslow; video link here). Kelly’s EXCELLENT ADVICE FOR LIVING, though, is full of short quotes and ideas – great inspiration or cause for reflection. This started as a project for his adult children when he turned 68 and has since blossomed into a book with several hundred suggestions. Here are a couple of quick examples: “When you are young, have friends who are older; when you are old, have friends who are younger.” OR “The first step is usually to complete the last step. You can’t unload into a full dish rack.” Having read and recommended The Inevitable by Kelly, I was surprised at how very little text exists to bind the “bits of wisdom” together in his latest offering; he seems to be indulging a stream of consciousness and readers could also enjoy browsing for thoughts at random moments. EXCELLENT ADVICE FOR LIVING received a starred review from Kirkus (“people will keep stealing it out of your bathroom”). Enjoy!

In contrast, THE WELL-LIVED LIFE by Gladys McGarey shares only “Six Secrets to Health and Happiness at Every Age” and is written by a 102-Year-Old Doctor. Her advice begins with “You are here for a reason” about finding and staying oriented to your life’s purpose. Subsequent sections look at the importance of movement (spiritual, mental, and physical) and “Love is the most powerful medicine.” McGarey also notes the importance of building a meaningful community, something that government officials here and abroad are increasingly stressing. As an educator, I truly appreciated her fifth secret: “Everything is your teacher” (as she says, deep learning comes from setbacks). Finally, she recommends “spend your energy wildly” where she writes about embracing life and feeling motivated every day. Anecdotes from her patients and her own long life (like another centenarian, Sister Jean, shared in Wake Up with Purpose!) are interspersed. McGarey also includes small contemplative exercises related to each secret and hopes that they become habits for readers. Clearly, she believes in the value of shifting perspective and the suggestions offered reflect her advocacy for holistic medicine. Creating a doctor-patient relationship with yourself may be difficult for some readers to accept, but McGarey says, this sentence summarizes her life’s work: “To be truly alive, we must find the life force within ourselves and direct our energy toward it.”

A Living Remedy by Nicole Chung

A LIVING REMEDY by Nicole Chung (All You Can Ever Know) is a heartfelt memoir that readers will not want to miss. Chung essentially eulogizes both of her parents while exploring her relationship with them and her feelings about their illnesses and death. Yes, this is heavy reading at places, but it is beautifully written. Although especially relevant to mixed race adoptees and children of immigrant parents, Chung succeeds in portraying universal experiences in a way which will not be easily forgotten. She is unflinching in writing about the impact of Covid resulting in her “attention and energies divided between the family I was raising and the one that raised me.” And there is consolation, too, when reflecting on her mother: “I know that some part of her isn’t gone, because I feel her love and experience her care like a living thing. I hear her voice speaking to me. And though my father felt so far from me after he died, he no longer feels so distant, lost beyond my reach – it’s as if she has given a part of him back to me now that they are wherever they are …” A LIVING REMEDY received a starred review from Booklist. Highly recommended.

The Faraway World by Patricia Engel

THE FARAWAY WORLD by Patricia Engel is a short story collection that will enthrall readers much like Engel’s earlier award-winning novel, Infinite Country, which itself is a must read. These stories tend to be rather quiet, almost intimate, and reflective. Engel changes voice, too, sometimes writing directly to another character, such as “Libélula” where an employee speaks silently to her employer, saying, “You wanted a ghost, a shadow to move about your home anticipating your every need. A double as loyal as an imaginary friend to accompany you…” I was also surprised by the ending of “Fausto” after he and his girlfriend, Paz, succumb to the temptation of what they believe will be easy money for running drugs. And, I especially liked “Aguacero” about two troubled Columbians who meet in New York and attempt to share life stories; it had previously been selected in 2019 for both The O. Henry Prize Stories and The Best American Short Stories. Containing ten tales in all, THE FARAWAY WORLD received a starred review from Kirkus.

Thinking 101 by Woo-kyoung Ahn

THINKING 101 is an instructive text by Woo-kyoung Ahn, the John Hay Whitney Professor of Psychology at Yale University. She does an excellent job of explaining psychology topics of interest to our students. There are chapters that cover eight ideas like Confirmation Bias, Causal Attribution, and Delayed Gratification. While students may have been introduced to many of these concepts in another context, Ahn adds value by interweaving relate-able, real life applications. For example, she recommends practicing and writing out responses to interview questions so as to improve fluidity and to more objectively evaluate whether you would hire yourself for the position. In another chapter titled “The Perils of Examples,”Ahn acknowledges that “vivid examples are more convincing, easier to understand and harder to forget than decontextualized, abstract explanations.” There, she illustrate the law of large numbers with comments about solicitation letters from Save the Children and her own son’s interest in sports. Ahn seems to sincerely want to show her readers “How to Reason Better to Live Better” and her passion for these topics is evident.

Write for Your Life

Two new books, both titled WRITE FOR YOUR LIFE, were published this past spring. Both are written by talented authors and both share numerous stories. The first is more of a “how-to” guide, especially helpful for high school and college age writers. The second encourages reflection and appreciation of the many benefits of writing. 

WRITE FOR YOUR LIFE by Charles Wheelan is, per the subtitle, intended to be “A Guide to Clear and Purposeful Writing (and Presentations).”  Wheelan has written numerous texts including Naked Economics (in our curriculum for years), Naked Statistics and We Came, We Saw, We Left. In his latest, he offers suggestions for Getting Started, Making it Better, and Buffing and Polishing both writing and speaking. Wheelan notes that these ideas came from a list which he had been compiling for his undergraduate students; his focus is on “clear, straightforward language; a comprehensive narrative structure; rigorous editing; and even humor if it serves to make a point.”  Like Wheelan’s students at University of Chicago or Dartmouth College, many of our students need more practice in writing well and clearly expressing their thoughts. Wheelan asks his readers, “Can you communicate in ways that inform, inspire, and motivate? Can you articulate your ideas so that they lead to the intended outcome?” He explains concepts and “rules” they have likely heard before – know your purpose, know your audience(s), craft a clear thesis. I particularly liked his section on making an outline because our students do struggle with that and he uses relevant examples (e.g., writing letters of recommendation) to illustrate his point. WRITE FOR YOUR LIFE is full of engaging anecdotes and real life examples, including those from Winston Churchill, Hillary Clinton, and Elena Kagan. I am looking forward to sharing this manual with English teachers and our students.

In WRITE FOR YOUR LIFE Anna Quindlen, former New York Times correspondent and prolific author, encourages readers to “tell your story, record your thoughts, note your feelings, write it down.” For her part, Quindlen offers a series of essays. In the first, titled Infinitive, she reflects on the benefits of writing and uses Anne Frank and Erin Gruwell’s Freedom Writers as examples of the importance of writing for ourselves, especially in diaries and journals. From there Quindlen moves to Salutation and discusses the many conversations produced by letter-writing and on to Tense where she encourages daily notes, even just short ones on a calendar, since “the simple, forgettable notations of every day can offer a way into writing, transforming facts into feelings.” Interspersed with quotes from famous writers (“To survive, you must tell stories ~ Umberto Eco”), her other essays deal with topics like the impact of technology on writing, with poetry, and even writing assignments in school (where notes on revision can offer “the promise of something better, perhaps even really good”). There is less here explicitly about the mechanics of writing and much more about the pleasures. Quindlen’s own excellent writing is strong motivator to set down ordinary tales associated with everyday life. Students and teachers will enjoy reading and discussing these essays as they continue their own writing journeys. WRITE FOR YOUR LIFE received a starred review from Library Journal.

A Life in Light by Mary Pipher

A LIFE IN LIGHT by Mary Pipher is subtitled “Meditations on Impermanence” and it is a wonderful reflection on life and universal truths about resilience and becoming, about “finding coping tools, appreciating beauty, and seeking transcendence.” A well-known psychologist and best-selling author (Reviving Ophelia and Women Rowing North), Pipher recounts short vignettes from her own life – special meals, beloved pets, best friends, and favorite books. All the while she comments on light and its importance to her: “Reading offered me hope, soothed me in difficult moments, and gave me a sense of the immense complexity of the human spirit. There are all kinds of light in the world – from the sky, during moments of bliss and awe, and from the lemony circles on the tables of the Beaver City library.” A LIFE IN LIGHT received starred reviews from Booklist (“teaches gentle lessons on gratitude and celebrating life”) and Publishers Weekly. It is an amazingly comforting work and one to be savored again and again. Writing, she says, was “the light of living life twice, once in real time and once in reflective time.… Writing gave me an intellectually challenging life in which I could still live quietly in my own home.… spend[ing] my time telling stories.” For another brief glimpse into Mary Pipher’s advice for balancing despair with joy, see her recent piece in The New York Times: “How I Build a Good Day When I’m Full of Despair at the World.”

Reclaim Joy by Emine Rushton

RECLAIM JOY by Emine Rushton is subtitled “A guided journal to discover simple pleasures every day.” We know that journaling is an effective stress reducer and this book is full of colorful illustrations and numbered prompts. There are many examples to draw your own ideas (e.g., “take this book outside before breakfast and color in the sun as it appears in the sky today.”) Plus, there is a big emphasis on movement, on various senses (“write down all the layers of sound in your world”), and on reflection (take the same picture in each of four seasons and then journal about the changes). I love the action orientation: “open your wardrobe and pull out the first item of clothing your heart is drawn to. Wear it today!” Truly, a fun book to explore and turn to repeatedly throughout the year.