
DOES MY CHILD
NEED ME TO LEAD OR TO FOLLOW? by Claudia
Schwarzlmüller is an international best-seller which covers “A Radically Simple
Way to Parent Children from Infancy Through Age 6.” Schwarzlmüller is a
child psychologist with over twenty years of experience. Her tone is wonderful –
calm, compassionate, nonjudgmental, and definitely striving to represent the
child’s viewpoint. For example, in the Your Toddler section, she describes
behavior which is SO familiar (e.g., a toddler “loves taking things out and
putting them away”… and “needs to repeat behaviors many times in order to learn
… repetition is the name of the game”). She discusses thinking and playing (when
a child “learns about objects by putting them in his mouth, banging them
against something else, studying, turning, rubbing, or throwing them”), as well
as feelings and relationships, movement, and speech. To me (a relatively new
grandmother), the insights Schwarzlmüller offers are spot-on, valuable
and actionable (e.g., she lists a series of play schemas and what your child
learns from practice like Positioning (a sense of length, height, distance), Transforming,
Connecting, Enveloping, Transporting, Dividing/Scattering (geometry/math,
quantity, shapes, volume), Sorting, Filling, and Orientation). She writes about
allowing your child to lead (“give them the freedom to try things out and as
much free time to play as possible”), but also notes, “Children need to find
their bearings and to feel safe. You are the missing partner in this social
dance if you don't assume your role in moments of leading. Your child is
searching for balance between moments of leading and moments of play, just like
the rest of us.” Additional parts of the book deal with Your Baby, From Toddler
to Preschooler, From Preschooler to Kindergartener to First Grader, plus
introductory material, a list of references, and further reading suggestions. Publishers
Weekly called this text “a valuable resource for parents of young children
[in which] research-based insight meets practical guidance.” I heartily concur
and I am highly recommending DOES MY CHILD
NEED ME TO LEAD OR TO FOLLOW?

THE MIXED + MULTIRACIAL GUIDE TO WELLBEING by Namalee Bolle is subtitled “Navigating
Family, Identity + Healing.” Bolle divides the text into three parts: Unpack,
Discover and Thrive. She describes her own history (British born of Sri-Lankan
and Dutch-Jewish heritage) and that of other multi-racial people as she encourages
readers to reflect on their unique situations. It felt at points as though this
text was more about therapy-type exercises and less about actual research
findings (of which there may not be many). However, I did gain insights from
reading about children who are multiracial – as she says, they are racially
different to both parents. That may seem obvious, but it is worth pausing and
contemplating that idea along with how difficult it is for all of us to find
our identities as adolescents and how these children must learn to recognize/accept
that “I am this and this and that.” I plan to look into the
children’s books that she recommended (e.g., The Truth about Dragons) and
also to watch 1000% Me, an HBO/Max documentary.
Overall, an interesting starting point for more discussion and research.