Raising Resilience by Tovah P. Klein

RAISING RESILIENCE by Tovah P. Klein, a psychology professor at Columbia University, is subtitled “How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty.” With over thirty years of relevant experience, Klein’s has worked often with younger children (she is currently Director of the Center for Toddler Development and the author of How Toddlers Thrive) and it does seem at times that this advice would work better with those ages. Still, there is MUCH helpful insight here and it is presented in an approachable and empathetic manner. Klein divides the text into two main parts, looking at “The Roots of Resilience” and “The Five Pillars of Your Child’s Resilience.” Klein stresses the importance of the parent-child relationship as a kind of resilience incubator and with proactive protection. She includes many practical strategies and a series of “Reflective Questions.” Notes comprise about five percent of the book, but my favorite section is a summary of sorts, titled, “Parenting Reminders for Raising Resilience in Daily Life.” Those basic ideas (e.g., err on the side of kindness, boredom is a gift, routines and mealtimes matter) cover sixteen points which should be a required handout at pediatrician’s offices. RAISING RESILIENCE is praised by other experts in the field, including Lisa Damour (author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers), Sian L. Beilock (author of Choke), and Eve Rodsky (author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space). 

A related text, HELPING YOUR UNMOTIVATED TEEN by Melanie McNally, is subtitled “A Parent’s Guide to Unlock Your Child’s Potential.” McNally, a licensed clinical psychologist and brain coach, focuses on drive, grit, and goal-creating. She is not a parent herself and that seems reflected in her rather naïve belief that parents can readily negotiate (and enforce) screen time limits and then move on to implementing the ideas she presents. She offers some quality suggestions and obviously cares about teen mental health, but I felt that many of the comments here might be more acceptable to an “unmotivated” teen if an objective, impartial party was attempting to prompt dialogue and influence action rather than having a parent do so. As she says, “it's important to first do a ‘vibe check’ on your teen’s mood and attitude. They're going to be much more receptive to your input if they're in a decent mood and generally feeling good about life.” True for all of us! McNally devotes about five percent of the book to a list of helpful references.

This Book Won't Burn by Samira Ahmed

It is World Press Freedom Day and I'm posting a review of a novel which deals with censorship:

THIS BOOK WON'T BURN by Samira Ahmed (Hollow Fires and Internment) is filled with anger. The main character, Noor Khan, is a high school senior whose family circumstances force a change in schools in the last quarter of her senior year (yes, hard to believe that other options would not exist in real life). And Noor is understandably upset when she, her Mom, and her freshman sister move from suburban Chicago to a small town in downstate Illinois where they are one of the very few families who are not white or Christian. It is an adjustment for everyone, but Noor channels some of her anger into publicly reading banned books – and faces detention, multiple threats, and physical violence as a result. Fortunately, she is supported by new friends, Juniper with her girlfriend Hanna, plus Fasi, another student with desi heritage. One of the best aspects of Ahmed’s novel is the way she casually introduces many books that have been challenged such as Anger is a Gift, Monday’s Not Coming, All Boys Aren’t Blue, When the Moon was Ours, Fahrenheit 451, and many more.

Too bad that the preview for THIS BOOK WON'T BURN did not include a list of all of those titles. It also seemed rather unrealistic that 500 books would be simultaneously removed from a single school library. Even in Texas (the state with the dubious honor of hosting the most book challenges recently) where a school district near San Antoino pulled 400 books at one time, it was noted that “Most of those [titles] are appropriate and will stay on our library shelves as is.” Ahmed’s novel is set in Illinois with an activist librarian who would also likely have had a more robust review process in place. Ahmed raises a very important issue, but she tends to employ caricatures (a school board President who would try to run down a student with a car?). For example, she explicitly calls out MAGA supporters and Liberty Moms, but even though the book’s publication coincides with this week’s celebration of the second annual Little Free Library Week, Ahmed does not give her readers any information about groups like Little Free Library or mention recycling a used newspaper kiosk; even AARP offers suggestions to create these yard libraries. THIS BOOK WON'T BURN would benefit from an appendix of related resources -- like the ALA’s Office of Intellectual Freedom or PEN America (and PEN teaching guides) or the Texas FReadom Fighters or even the lawsuits brought by other publishers who devote web pages to the topic and provide links to an action toolkit.

THIS BOOK WON'T BURN received a starred review from Publishers Weekly and Kirkus summarized it as follows: “A timely story about silence as complicity, defending freedom, and the courage to fight against hate.” Readers may also wish to investigate The Asian American Foundation and their annual STAATUS Index Report.  

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

THE ANXIOUS GENERATION by Jonathan Haidt, Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University’s Stern School of Business, explains “How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” I have referenced Haidt’s writings multiple times over the past few years, including his work with Jean Twenge and articles in diverse publications like The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic. In his newest book, he focuses on Gen Z (those born after 1995) and argues that the decline in play-based childhood and its being supplanted by device-based activities have had an extremely detrimental impact on this cohort. His own summary states: “my central claim in this book is that these two trends -- overprotection in the real world and under protection in the virtual world -- are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became ‘the anxious generation’.” THE ANXIOUS GENERATION has four main parts; one looks at facts about teen mental health since 2010; another explores the changes in parenting style as it became increasingly overprotective and fearful; next, Haidt describes the ways phone-based childhood disrupts development (sleep and social deprivation, lowering attention spans; and addiction).

The final section provides research-based ideas on steps to take, especially his four “foundational” reforms: more unsupervised play; no smartphones before high school; no social media before age 16; and phone free schools. That sounds unrealistic, doesn’t it? Haidt draws on his social psychology background to explain collective action problems like the case where a few students have phones and/or social media accounts and then put pressure on their peers, who in turn pressure their parents. He cites examples of voluntary coordination like the group Wait Until 8th and advocates for technological solutions (e.g., lockable pouches, better basic phones) and increased regulation. Several chapters deal with what government, tech companies, schools, parents, and young people can do. He condenses his recommendations to Speak Up and Link Up, ironically providing many resources via an online portal: AnxiousGeneration.com.  Deeply researched and fascinating – THE ANXIOUS GENERATION will be on our shelves soon.

The Breakthrough Years by Ellen Galinsky

THE BREAKTHROUGH YEARS is the latest parenting text from Ellen Galinsky, a well-respected researcher and prolific author who is currently President of Families and Work Institute. In this lengthy (560 pages) book, she presents “A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens.” As she begins to outline the structure of her book, she highlights pleas from teens to address questions like: Why don’t adults understand us? and Why do adults have such negative views of teenagers? This echoes the sentiments expressed in the recently published Underestimated, although that text takes a decidedly less scientific tone. Galinsky notes five main messages which teens want to share: (1) Understand our development; (2) Listen and talk with us, not at us; (3) Don’t stereotype us; (4) We are trying to understand ourselves and our needs; and (5) We want to learn life and learning skills. Galinsky describes relevant research, including copious quotes from adolescents (ages nine to nineteen, per her definition). For example, she discusses emotional regulation, how adolescents learn to manage emotions, even the benefit of strong emotions, and then continues with a look at “the vital connection between rewards, motivation, and learning.” Perhaps the most helpful, though, are Galinsky’s thoughtful suggestions like those she offers for rethinking adolescence and seven reasons (e.g., protective instinct, fear, etc.) for why we experience difficulty in reframing negative attitudes towards teens. 

For each of the five key messages listed above, she repeats a pattern of quotes from teens; reflection on the message (with comments from adults and parents); and then a detailed and segmented overview of relevant science and summary lists (e.g., four components of foundational executive function skills) and proposed actions. The text’s layout with multiple subheadings, italics and bold typeface aids the reader’s comprehension. Frankly, there is SO much here to digest and apply that Galinsky’s text could easily provide a valuable yearlong one book-one school read. Roughly twenty percent is devoted to notes and bibliographic citations; she also provides an amazing list of the dozens of researchers and thought leaders interviewed. THE BREAKTHROUGH YEARS received a starred review from Publishers Weekly (“Overflowing with insight backed by scientific rigor, this is an essential companion for parents of adolescents.”) and very positive comments from experts like Lisa Damour, Angela Duckworth, Kenneth Ginsburg, Adam Grant, and Daniel J. Siegel. PLEASE NOTE: Family Action Network is hosting a Zoom session with Ellen Galinsky on Tuesday, April 16th at 7:00 pm. Watch their website for details on how to register. 

Added: Recording of the program (about an hour) is now available. 

Underestimated by Chelsey Goodan

In UNDERESTIMATED Chelsey Goodan utilizes her past experiences as an academic tutor and mentor for sixteen years to share “The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls.” Stressing that “teenage girls feel profoundly misunderstood all the time,” Goodan begins with a chapter on Feelings which echoes much of the advice in Charles Duhigg’s recently published Supercommunicators and that, basically, is to listen (even ask what is needed) rather than immediately try to advise or fix a situation. Goodan calls this “holding space” and illustrates its application in a subsequent chapter called Choice where she facilitates the purchase of an alarm clock to help with chronic tardiness. A few examples of other chapter titles (there are over a dozen) are those which deal with Perfection, Friends, or Identity. Goodan acknowledges that this work is TOUGH and she includes a Feelings Wheel in Appendix 1 plus a “guide in Appendix 2 that explicitly gives you words to expand conversations and five realizations at the end of each chapter to develop connections not only with teenage girls but also with yourself and others.” While Goodan acknowledges that her text is not clinical or academic, she does include bibliographic notes which comprise about five percent of the text. There is valuable information here (particularly those questions) although the teenage voices are not as vibrant as I had expected. UNDERESTIMATED is written for involved adults (teachers, coaches) and parents; it may be most valuable if its first reading is before the teenage years. Otherwise, those experiencing conflict and miscommunication may find the tone too “preachy.”