Raising Resilience by Tovah P. Klein

RAISING RESILIENCE by Tovah P. Klein, a psychology professor at Columbia University, is subtitled “How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty.” With over thirty years of relevant experience, Klein’s has worked often with younger children (she is currently Director of the Center for Toddler Development and the author of How Toddlers Thrive) and it does seem at times that this advice would work better with those ages. Still, there is MUCH helpful insight here and it is presented in an approachable and empathetic manner. Klein divides the text into two main parts, looking at “The Roots of Resilience” and “The Five Pillars of Your Child’s Resilience.” Klein stresses the importance of the parent-child relationship as a kind of resilience incubator and with proactive protection. She includes many practical strategies and a series of “Reflective Questions.” Notes comprise about five percent of the book, but my favorite section is a summary of sorts, titled, “Parenting Reminders for Raising Resilience in Daily Life.” Those basic ideas (e.g., err on the side of kindness, boredom is a gift, routines and mealtimes matter) cover sixteen points which should be a required handout at pediatrician’s offices. RAISING RESILIENCE is praised by other experts in the field, including Lisa Damour (author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers), Sian L. Beilock (author of Choke), and Eve Rodsky (author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space). 

A related text, HELPING YOUR UNMOTIVATED TEEN by Melanie McNally, is subtitled “A Parent’s Guide to Unlock Your Child’s Potential.” McNally, a licensed clinical psychologist and brain coach, focuses on drive, grit, and goal-creating. She is not a parent herself and that seems reflected in her rather naïve belief that parents can readily negotiate (and enforce) screen time limits and then move on to implementing the ideas she presents. She offers some quality suggestions and obviously cares about teen mental health, but I felt that many of the comments here might be more acceptable to an “unmotivated” teen if an objective, impartial party was attempting to prompt dialogue and influence action rather than having a parent do so. As she says, “it's important to first do a ‘vibe check’ on your teen’s mood and attitude. They're going to be much more receptive to your input if they're in a decent mood and generally feeling good about life.” True for all of us! McNally devotes about five percent of the book to a list of helpful references.