How to Know a Person by David Brooks

HOW TO KNOW A PERSON by David Brooks is all about “The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” In fact, I sent family members a link several weeks ago to his New York Times article “The Essential Skills for Being Human” where he writes about this book and his desire to “teach people how to understand others, how to make them feel respected, valued and understood.” Amongst the reasons he lists for pursuing this project is one that relates to national security: “Now we live in wonderfully diverse societies, but our social skills are inadequate for the divisions that exist. We live in a brutalizing time.” Particularly in regard to national politics and policy choices, it feels as though we live in alternate realities and instead of focusing on commonalities and compromise, much effort is made to emphasize differences and perpetuate stereotypes. Brooks encourages us to emulate those he calls illuminators, persistently curious and caring with the ability to make others “feel bigger, respected, lit up.” He explores skills like the gift of attention and the art of conversation as well as his own growth, saying “I [now] think the wise person’s essential gift is tender receptivity.” HOW TO KNOW A PERSON is worth spending time in quiet reflection and application.

For more insight, here is a video produced by the Free Library of Philadelphia:

15:45: “Each person you meet is not a problem to be solved. They are mystery that you will never get to the bottom of.”